Xiang Yin County Social and Children's Welfare Institute

Where do I begin? How do I convey all the emotions we went through visiting the orphanage where Natalie has been since the day she was born? Andy and I struggled with the decision - should we go? Earlier in the week we were feeling very undecided about visiting. The time with the orphanage director and administrator left us feeling much anxiety and questioning our purpose for wanting to visit. The decision was made that we visit as we felt it was necessary to gain as much understanding about Natalie's first 11 months of care as possible. Although a one-hour visit, not understanding the language or the social culture, we still may never know the real story, but here is our story are some thoughts we came away with.



The orphanage (building in the middle) as we're leaving

Andy, Natalie and I made the trip with Aina, Amy, Beth, John, Lily, and our driver. We all got into a small mini-van - yes, 7 adults, 2 babies, no car seats or seat belts. The drive was about 1.5 hours and we were able to see some of the country-side. The area is very green and lush. We drove through some areas where you could see rice fields, water buffalo, and workers tending the rice. We saw the mountains in the distance, and homes where the architecture is so different and interesting. There were also men driving bicycles loaded with cargo on the highway. Have I mentioned they drive fast? Fortunately our driver was an older gentleman and drove at a much more reasonable speed.



On our way...a bit blurry from the bumpy ride - I wonder what she's going to think of our American baby car seats!

Natalie was so good on the ride out there. She liked looking out the window, talking to Lily who for a time was on Beth's lap beside us, and reading her book. Andy and I tried to take video of the countryside while riding. Hopefully we will be able to have some clarity through the bumpy recording.

As we got closer I found myself praying for strength and protection. I was really nervous. I didn't know what to expect, I wanted to express my thankfulness to the orphanage, I was unsure of the social graces expected during such a visit. When visiting it is customary to bring gifts. We had a gift of clothing for the babies, and tea for the nannies. We also arranged to purchase formula for the orphanage.

We finally arrived at the orphanage and my heart was in my throat. The building is so tall! This building is quite new; it replaced the old orphanage which I think was nearby. The staff of the orphanage came out to greet us before we even had the doors open. Hospitality is not taken lightly in China. John and I were holding the babies, so initially Andy, Beth, Aina, and Amy went in without us. It didn't seem like they were gone very long. I took in the beautiful garden in front of the building while we waited. When Andy came to 'switch' with me he whispered 'just don't cry'. I understood why he said it, but oh, boy! That's a tall order for me these days so I immediately called on God again to help me through.

A young woman came and led us up what seemed to be about 6 flights of stairs. It was so quiet and we didn't see anyone on the way up. She led us into the babies room where our guides and the orphanage officials where. To my right was a room with a couple of slides and other toys. To my left were 2 connecting rooms with cribs...and babies! Some cribs had 2 babies sharing their beds - all bundled. There were about 12 babies in these two rooms. Two nannies per shift, 6 nannies total, care for them all. One baby seemed to be only a couple months old. Now I understand the statement 'when familys visit the orphanage, they come back making plans for their return trip'.

We were able to take a photo of Natalie and Lily's cribs. They were side-by-side. Next we took a photo with the two nannies. They seemed happy to see us and to pose. However, when I look at the photo now they are not smiling. I couldn't take my eyes off the babies we were leaving behind. Some would just gaze at you the entire time.



Natalie's empty crib, Lily's is on the right



The nanny on the right ensured I was in the middle of them for the photo

After visiting the baby room they led us downstairs to a conference room where they had prepared a reception for us. Freshly brewed tea, and fresh fruit - bananas and apples. They seemed eager to answer questions, however in my emotional state my mind went blank. What happened to my plan of bringing a list of questions, or my thought that I would remember? Luckily John pulled through and managed some questions. We spent time talking, apparently too long according to Andy and Beth because when we returned to the van the babies were fussy and ready to leave. One more trip upstairs with Beth at the request of the orphanage led me back to the baby room. One of the nannies had some pop music playing and one child was bouncing to the music in the crib.

We made our way back to the van, through all the thank-yous and goodbyes, and were on our way back. It was a long day and Lily and Natalie were fussy off and on, but they did so great considering another 1.5 hours back without a fresh diaper or second bottle (I can still hear the reprimands in my head), and no nap. Finally Natalie gave in and slept in my arms.


Looking back as we leave the orphanage

Back at the hotel Andy ran to the store for something for us to eat while I bathed and attempted to feed Natalie. She wasn't hungry after all...We were all exhausted and were in bed early, again. The range of emotions took their toll on us and we welcomed the rest.

I woke early this morning (4 a.m.) with such a heavy heart. I can't seem to get the little faces out of my mind - especially the special one we had to say good-bye to. I am so thankful for Natalie. She is so resilient. On Monday she was so tearful, feverish, lethargic, and today at breakfast she was smiling, tasting different foods, dropping toys/spoons on the floor, bouncing in the seat with me, enjoying her book, and smiling at the young Chinese boy and his adoptive family beside us. I can't help but wonder if God hadn't intervened, what her life would have been like (and ours)...Alicia

Thank you all so much for your kind words, support, prayers, emails, comments. It means so much to us. Alicia and Andy and Natalie (Ya, Ya)